Marriage Lesson- Withdrawls

Alright! I'm going to start my post with a marriage lesson or the lack thereof a lesson. Maybe some readers can help me! The title is withdrawls...let me explain. I can't remember exactly where this topic came from: it was either our premarriage counseling or from a book I read that was reccommended from this counseling. All it talked about was each of us has a bank and our spouse can deposit into our love bank by doing nice things, etc or they can withdrawl from our love banks. We all need to be aware of when we are depositing and when we withdrawl from our spouse's love banks. To many withdrawls can lead to fights, affairs, divorce, etc.

Lately, I've had a few withdrawls from my love bank which I want to keep a record of so when the day comes I'll be ready. You must be thinking why doesn't she talk to her spouse now? Good question but somehow everything gets turned back on me and it being my fault. He seems to have a way with that I've noticed since we've been married. Once the counselor can mediate it will be a little easier for me to communicate without things being turned around.

My overall general complaint began once husband went back to work after our son was born. He got 3 weeks off when the baby was born and he was so much help then. Cooking dinner, washing clothes, feeding the dogs, watching the baby while I napped a few times. He did get up a few time in the middle of the night but I always had to get up to feed him though. So he goes back to work and I get up with him since I have a few more weeks off before I go back to work. Understandable! When I go back to work I am still the only person getting up with him.....now he is on formula and a bottle so there was no excuse for him not to be getting up and till this day if he wakes up I'm the one who checks on him (I can think of 2 times where he got up) Now on to diapers...the beginning great changed diapers after going back to work not so much and by 4 months hardly ever and now sitting here on July 30th then last time he changed his diaper was while we were at the beach June 18-25th. I only remember it becuase it had been so long before that and his dad mentioned that it must be a miracle. He says its my job! Also he never gets left with him if I go anywhere because he doesn't have time to deal with him so I just take him with me. Also if I did leave him, he would just call his mother to watch him. Oh yea not to forget his mother watches our son since we both work and the husband most days gets off about 3pm, but when does the baby get dropped off....not till I get home or very close to the time I'm getting home. Last thing, he doesn't spend more than a few minutes with him on his days off or after work. He will play with him a little then give him right back to me. I don't know what happened and why I am responsible for our son completely! However, if we are out in public or at my parents house or his sometimes he will play with the baby and try to be all helpful....but its all show.....he doesn't do shit at home.
I will give husband a kudos because he still fixes dinner most of the time when he is home.

Oh and the only time he is helpful  when we aren't in public  is when he wasnts something. Thursday I was getting baby ready for bed  like I do EVERY night and hubby fixes the bottle without me even asking....which I stopped asking months ago....and of course he has to say where is my thank you. Its more like its about damn time you did something.... I gave baby the bottle and hubby got his room all ready turned on the nigh light, music, humidifer, etc so all I had to do was lay him in bed. I knew something was up and of course it was....he wanted to mash potatoes, alone time, adult fun, if you can catch my drift. So if I start putting out more would he be more helpful?

One last general complaint: its about the thank yous...he's always doing random stuff like taking out the garbage and he always asks where's my thank you. What the hell? Those are daily or simple tasks that someone needs to do. So I started asking where's my thank you for feeding the baby, where's my thank you for feeding the dogs, where's my thank you for If we thanked each other for everything little thing...that's the only thing we would be doing!!!!

Now to the specifics since the general complaints are out of the way:

July 2011- He made a stack of clothes that he was giving to the goodwill. He asked me to make a list of what he had so we would have it for tax purposes. So I count write out a list and then sit in our room and watch tv for a minute. Then he preceeds to count everything again while I'm sitting right there!!! Why did you ask me to do that if you were going to do it yourself???? I was sooo pissed! I felt like I was being treated like a child. If you thought I didn't count correctly, couldn't you have said, wait I think I put 4 pair of shorts there not 3 or you could have waited until I wasn't in the room.

July 29th- We took my son to the dr. to make sure he didn't have an ear infection because he has been pulling at his ears ALOT and pushing his head against the floor...which are all signs of teething too! The thing that worried me though was he had a runny nose last week and ear infections usually come after colds so since his one year appt on the 12th got moved to the 24th I went and made an appointment just to be sure. While in the waiting room he wouldn't let him walk around and wanted him to be super quiet! What the hell he is a 1 year old and its a peds office! Its fine to make noise and walk around a little for pete's sake! So he is making him sit on his lap so I get out one of his books and read to him, but apparently I was reading to loud. Finally he gives him to me since he tired of dealing with him...its only been like 5 minutes...typical. So I let him walk around a little. He says don't let him touch anything. Again its not busy we are like the last appt that day there's only a few people waiting, its a kids office.

July 30th- It started to rain and the dogs haven't been out in awhile. So I let them out by the side door. I have the door open so I can yell at the dogs to go quickly and I'm trying to keep my eye on the baby whose eating his snack. He comes down the hallway what are you doing? In a rude tone. You don't need to be yelling. So yet again sticks his nose where it doesn't belong. Mind you it was raining and no other neighbors were out and I yell at the dogs all the time. I don't believe they can hear me in their homes.
Same day: I sit the baby in his highchair and the cover slips. In a rude tone hubby: why does that not stay? In a rude tone back: b/c I don't have it on all the way since I take it off and wash it quite frequently. He then says well you don't need to get an attitude about it and I said I was just answering the question the same way it was asked.

So, I've started my list....longer list than I thought! He needs to follow my blog and maybe learn a thing or two. Lesson learned here: having a baby really does change everything.

My Story

I'm Renee and I grew up in a small town in which I still live today. I married my high school sweetheart in 2006, got a teaching job and bought a house in 2008 (yeah I know right before the housing market downturn!), and then brought a beautiful baby boy into the world in 2010. But let me clarify that it was not easy getting pregnant. We started trying in September 2008 on our own and month after month nothing. Finally in April 2009 we finally got a positive test! We were so excitied we told just about everyone.....first mistake. Then in May we go for our first appointment and BAM.....no baby this time. What devastation this was for us and not to mention everyone we already told! I was mortified! However, the darling husband did a great job of telling most everyone so I wouldn't have to deal with that awkward situation. So we take a few months off before we try again.

Now its September 2009 and we are ready to try again. For the past three months my cycle has been normal and about the same each month. Then of course when we are ready to try....my cycle goes all haywire. So I finally break down and call the nurse at the OBGYN. So she talks to my doctor and prescribe Clomid and  very basic fertifily drug to help me ovulate...thank heavens something to help considering it had already been a year and a miscarriage

September- Nothing and no ovulation with medicine. October- higher dosage, ovualation had occured still nothing. November- same dosage, ovulation occured and finally another positive test! Finally a year and 3 months later a possible baby! We didn't tell anyone until very close to our first appointment and then it was only parents. Then Dec. 30th was the day- yes or no! I was a nervous wreck that whole dayI had no idea what I would do this time if things didn't work out again. Would Dh and I have to start that long road of infertility?? What happened to missing 1 pill and getting pregnant? However, finally it was a yes! But we weren't out of the woods yet. The first 12 weeks of pregnancy can be make it or break it time and thank god we made it!

My son has been a true blessing and I thank god for him every single day. He has also taught me so much already and he is the reason I wanted to start this blog. I wanted to document the lessons I've learned from being a mom, so that the second time around will be a piece of cake...hahaha!